Illuminatus

“The door is open. You might want to step in.”

As I opened my mind, the rusty voice said.

 

“Where are you? I’m here like you asked.” I cracked a whisper in reply.

 

“The door is always open.”

 

“But I’m here. Show yourself!!” I was getting anxious. Every passing moment felt like and aeon and every sound brought with it a hope, accompanied by an unidentified dread. Where was I? In a dream? Or was this a delusion? Was I going insane? Or could this be grass?

 

“Embrace yourselfand step ahead. your way is clear. The door is open.”

 

“But I see nothing.”

 

“You see when you want to see.”

 

With an enormous effort I closed my eyes and pushed my imagination, but in vain. I was getting panicky. Suffocation beheld me.With ever pulse of strength in my body I wanted to return to reality or I would explode with the uneasiness that had stung me at the back of my neck .

 

“Release me! from the delusion that you cast on me. With a sweet hope of unison and I could not resign, beheld by the aura of your entity.” I waited in that vast nothingness, for the voice to guide me, but none came.

 

“Languished I ask you to speak.” The sound of that voice was like a drug to me, its absence made me suffocate even more.

 

“Where are you?” I screamed at the top of my voice, expecting a reply, but none came.

 

The craving for that voice infected me like a brooding miasma, that I could bear it no more. I wanted it like water to drink, like air to breathe. I needed it desperately to survive.

 

My breath drew short. I felt dizzy. And my head began to swirl as I fell into the depths of another delusional dimension, where everything started to take form of its own. Or was it my brooding imagination controling the creation and destruction of this land?

 

And as it stuck me, the mist began to clear. And like a fundamental reality, I could see the door standing in the bright emptiness of infinite. I stepped inside, and to my utter relief, she was there. this had to be her. She needed no descriptive explanation, her voice defined her beauty.

 

“Welcome,Son, to the origin of thoughts.” She said in her rusty voice. Her beauty defining the aura of this mystic land.

 

“Where am I?”

 

“You are at the origin of motion, of time, of everthing dynamic. You”re at the origin of your own dynamic imagination.”

 

“Who are you?”

 

“I am your sanity. And this is where you belong. In a realm of sempiternal isolation, when you belong with me.”

 

The Sound Of Truth

Clenched claws and lusted gaze

Broken Heart and storming rage

Bleeding chest and fallen hopes

Burnt to ashes,  a trusted emotion

 

“The lust for love’s eternity

Craving for a trust

Thy shalt not be tempted, Son

Else thou suffer”

 

Brooding eyes and trickling tears

Weeded guilt and spawning fears

Swollen bones and bleeding flesh

Murdered by self, surviving hope

 

“Fallen unredeemed,to temptaions

Disgracing the comandment of eternal despair.

What thou sow is, Son

What thou reap.”

 

Tranlucent flesh and feeble bones

Reeking breath and smoking blood

Blurry vision and demented thoughts

Dying pulse, an oncoming vain.

 

“An advent without an end

A quest for pain’s mortal limit.

What thou seeketh, Son

Of thyself?”

Delusional

From the zenith of nothingness
A bliss emanates like spark
And goes justifying
Into the dark eternity

And
Here is whence again
Nature fails symmetry
To my existence

And the creature in me
Is left to tread an unbound nothingness
Where no love exists
But just an illusion
A sweet transient bliss of pretence

And a futile trust
Of love’s eternit

:Clandestine Serenades:

Rustling through the avid nothingness

A whisper caught unsaid

The silence is yet unheard

The mournings yet un done

 

A tear trickles down the cheek

Crashing unto the voidal hurt

Dripping down the torn flesh

The crimson turned a pool

 

A soft sob craving deliverance

A sizzling moan of pleasure

A searing pain shot through the heart

A howl reverberating the stab wound

 

My Monstrosity

When the lust for a strong hatred

Overpowers the senses

A burnt rot would reek from within.

Tearing apart the flesh of an innocent soul

A creature would emanate

From the wound of that deep sown despair.

 

That my friends,

Is ME

The man that she made me now.

 

The Grudge

When a heart dies

In the grip of a brutal deceit

 

A curse is born

 

The curse

Gathers in that heart

 

All those who encounter it

Are consumed by the fury of its despair.

 

Separation

She stood on the other edge

Gazing avidly at the storm

The intensity of her emotion unchallenged

The uncanny wryness unbound

 

“Perhaps that was the moment

And I missed it for a perpetual realm of pain”

 

The clamour of destitute wails

Of a screaming love ignored

Of velvet caress of paralysing heartache

 

“A hand that was expected

Never came to hold me back.

As I moved towards her

She walked way,

The bridge of love between us evapourated

As I fell back into the infinite depth of this numbing nothingness”

 

The angel of love

Now turned a brute

 

And with a searing laughter he said

 

“Broken ends of invisible threads

Never recombine”

 

Ruin

Slitting the throat

Of a craving trust

 

A  monstrosity of pain

Set free

The lust for an aching body

Set aloft

Granted the wish

For an exorcised demise

 

I thank thee

For what thou made me

 

Twisted my choice

And pushed me ove

 

Fare Thee Well MY-SELF!!

As I closed my eyes to oblivion a gloomy voice called out, asking for help. I found myself too weak to respond, I was lying in a pit full of rotten filth, a chamber of stinking mess.

 

The voice called again. I couldn’t make out what it said. It was a wail, for sure. Someone needed help.

 

“Anyone there?” the sound echoed in the deafening silences of this nothingness.

“Save me!” now words were heard.

 

I moved my hhead to look around but I couldn’t move. Or maybe I was moving, but in this realm of nothingness dimensions made no sense, I was lost.

 

I could hear more voices now.

“I love you….”,”….life means nothing…..”,”……you’re my everything…….”

 

And then like a thunderbolt, reality struck me, the darkness that defined everything vanished, everything seemed to make sense now.

 

I was lying in the grave of my own reveries of last spring, of a love that was brutally murdered deep withing my heart. All the promises she made, all the moments I spent with her, all the memories about her were reeking in this shell of permanent paralysis. I was crippled by my own state of mind.

 

Solitude was my only friend , I sought no other companionship. All I sought being free from all tyranny, embracing the perpetual bliss of loneliness.

 

Loss

Of a strong desire

Of an old memoir

Of love eternal

Of a craving trust

 

Of every dream that stands

Of all elaborate plans

Of the promises she made

Of a smile that never came

 

Once the ruler of all Utopia

Now  awaiting a rotten demise

A heart that once felt

Now aches a reeking pain

 

A love that always belonged

Now lost unto the mire of mere ‘SELF’

 

Until my soul is lost

I await that final bliss.

 

The Curse

A sudden breath of venom
Sizzling past the aura
Blinding the eyes with despair
Stabbing the heart with pain

A sudden ache of memories
Pressed benumbed on the veil, past
Searing through the flesh
Molten into soul

A suddden flash of apathy
Tearing apart the reveries
Doomed into the epiphany
The saviour ruined to ashes

A green blaze
Cursed over

Fallen,
Unredeemed

Marijuana : A realm of Hallucinations

When I closed my eyes to oblivion, I found myself in a land of eternal bliss. The sky was greener and gravity seemed to have no hold on me. Pain ceased to exist. A childlike monstrosity of thoughts took me over and an utter laughter broke through my veins, drawing ecstasy from evey drop of my blood.

“Who was I?” The question didnt bother me anymore. I was lost in the facade of my own anonymity.

“I am a mere spawn of imagination, I am the vessel of varnished dreams. I am the definition for ecstasy, I am the expression for pain. I am fluid as air, I am light as feather. I am rigid as storm, I am heavy as alps. The predicament of destruction, the prophecy of angels, the lord’s testament, the warcry of apocalypse. I am the entity that gives life to all profanity, I am the crock of all sanity. I am the rightful ruler of your dreams, of delusions, of my Utopian land. I am all, and all is in me. I am the creator, the destroyer and the container of every existence.”

I was trapped in a hollow shell, so meek. Suffocation beheld me. I sought an escape which would never be granted. Until I moved on, leaving behind this mortal plain, the land of all blasphemy.

Till then, my ensnarement is inevitable.

The Prisoner

Emerging from nothingness, I opened my eyes to find myself yet alive. Motionless , Through the windowpane, sky stared at me and I lied staring back at sky. A redness glided in clouds, sun was not to be seen yet,twilight was claiming me. Another day was beckoning me but I dreaded to follow. I knew a night awaited after it, I knew it soon would be engulfed in a darkness and the night would overcome every moment of happiness. My relief would be clouded in my screams and agony of my solidified blood being scratched to flow,crawl,tickle and burn mercilessly.

The film of last night’s tortures stroke my mind like a stab wound.It was then when I realised that I lied in the pool of my own blood.I could see my reflection , the very red , in the red surface. I could feel my body scathed,I could feel my wounds burning,I could feel the pain.

Though pain came, though agony was brought by night , to be frank,I had started enjoying it.
It had become an indispensible part of me.I had made a habit of being wounded everynight,by those who call themselves “civilised”

I got to search for some place to wash down the remains of my beloved blood,to caress my wounds,to kiss them.The blood that flew through my body once in a strong affinity, resided no more.A warmth it provided in me , but now a numbness was crawling. A grim coldness had embraced me.I could not feel my heart beat.But I knew I were not dead , I was yet alive.

Sullen at my confirmed survival I got to my feet to roam around in the castle.The place was gloomy as ever , painted in the blood of who knew how many prisoners, innocent or guilties.I had searched for years for a tiniest part of life other than me,I had searched for a company here,
a being like me , subjected to an agonised death. But nobody , all except for me resided in this tower,resided trapped between these walls bloodstained…………

Long , long ago was it. I had killed her. She was my wife.I could see the scenes of that dreadfull night just like the fossils of a nightmare which exist even though the nightmre flows out as soon as we open our eyes.

She was ill. It was another of those time periods which grabbed her in the arms of pain.She told me she could bear it no more. She asked me to kill her, end it all. I could not see her like that,I loved her. And,hence, I killed her. With my sword I slayed her. And ………………I was tracked,I was caught,I was imprisoned. None except me knew that she welcomed death. Since very then I was punished for freeing a soul from a rotten ,aching body.

…………………Walking across the tower I realised that I could not trust my legs for long. And again I lied down over the numb floor.I lied ther with my eyes open but staring at nothing, just dreaming. Thinking of my past I broke into sleep again , dreaming strange dreams I slept. And when I opened my eyes again, a bleeding reality stood and faced me. Night had fallen and I lied in the very chamber of punishment , surrounded by undesirables.

So…….it was about to begin . I could see the tools of my destruction.And, thnking of death I closed my eyes again.Wishing ……….I need not see another day.

Dream

I had a dream last night
And me and you
Were not so far away
Anymore

I could touch
Feel you in my arms
And sense the love
That flowed between us
Through our lips
That entangled into each other

And as I opened my eyes
Torn am I
And my dreams enrobed

I had a dream last night,
And me and you were not so far away
Anymore

Life

Out here,
On the skies of forever
Where everything substantial
Exists as mere illusion

Temptations!
Desires!
Lust!
Trapping our souls
In a cobweb of social insanity.

Encumbered by joy
As death dances its way
Through eternity
And engulfs Into a transpiring stillness.

Lament

Another awakened sleep
Another unconscious awakening
A delusional reality to face
Another dream to live in

Revived unto
Another gush of agony
An ardent caress of joy
That hurts as a stab wound

The tale of my loss
Reminisced an eternal times

Never redeemed
Never seeked the quest for another chance

The love that I claimed
Abandoned my wrecked soul

Burnt!
Burried!
Forgotten!
With unperturbed scars of past

Yet again
The tale is reminisced

“Oblivious to my pain,
The brute of love smiled at me.
And with an old familiar ache,
My heart burst to flames.”

My Love

My love , I have tried with all my being
To grasp a form comparable to thine own.
But nothing seems worthy.
I know now why,
Shakespeare couldn’t compare his love to summers day.

It would be a crime to denounce
The beauty of
Such a creature as thee.
To simply cast away the precision
God has placed in forging it.

Each facet of your being is an ensnarement.
From which there is no release .
But,
I do not wish release.
I wish to stay entrapped,
With you ,
For all eternity.
Our souls ,
Always as one…..